Why Marry Me?

My Poem


She's short, she's little, she's cute
Her voice is as sweet as a flute
Pink is her color
She's close to her mother
Who's tough like an old army boot

She fears creepy critters
They give her the jitters
She shrieks and she cries out for aid
She's a modern Miss Muffet
'cept she gets off her tuffet
And blasts those critters with Raid

A nervous little creature indeed
But please, this warning do heed
She can be quite a fighter
And I warn, she's a biter
Fighting dirty is her 'ficial creed

This is not to say
She knows not how to play
Play fighting's a pastime of ours
But in a war of attrition
Go to the fetal position
And follow the wild lemur way

Sometimes she gets jealous
And hollers like Kellis
But there's nothing for her to suspect
Loyal like a retriever
I'd never deceive her
I'd rather go watch some Star Trek

I must add she is smart
And has a big heart
And is liked by all whom she knows
If you dislike her, you're crazy
Please get tested for rabies
I love her from her head to her toes


My Plea

You came along and somehow other guys didn't notice you... Well actually, they hit on you constantly, you just had high standards. If they did overlook you, it was probably because of your shortness, which is to say they actually didn't see you. But damnit, I keep my head down a lot and I did notice you, just in time to avoid stepping on you. And it's true, good things come in small packages. And you may be an efficiency bomb, but that's what drew me to you, your expressive and bubbly personality, the life you exude.

I think Romeo may have really, really liked Juliet, but not love, oh no, not love. If he loved her, he wouldn't have let her drink that poison. But you and I, we have something good, something great! We complement each other in all sorts of ways. You definitely increase our combined attractiveness. Before you I was like Sloth from the Goonies, but now I'm almost in Patrick Muldoon territory.

Most importantly we have fun together! Remember that time we found a huge stack of paper plates and we ran around the house throwing them at each other like 100% recycled ninja stars. Who else would let me chase them around the house while facing the imminent risk of paper cuts? And you are so nervous, but I help make you calm. If a moth flies by, you scream and run, even if we're in the middle of a crowded downtown sidewalk. I keep quietly walking while you weave in and out of traffic like an NFL fullback. Also, your hair smells nice.

Considering the countless love stories, poems, and Hallmark cards out there that all seek to perfectly describe true love, it may be difficult saying the same thing without sounding hopelessly cliché. But maybe it's not important whether what I say is profound or unique, maybe it's only important for you to know that I love you and I always will.

If you're not smiling by now, picture me begging much like Weird Al.

A 35 second scene from the movie UHF


Because The Hoff Says so

Don't Hassel the Hoff! I am crazy for you!


The Ring

KC's Diamond Engagement Ring

Vital Stats
Diamond CutRound
Ring Size7
ForgedIn the fires of Mount Doom by the Dark Lord himself

Do you think KC will like this ring?

Well, I sure hope she does or I'm toast and if you don't like it, I'll just tell myself I wasn't buying it for you anyways.

Feel free to rate the ring using the rating scale below.

One star is a ring from a Cracker Jack box, 5 stars equals a ring from the Joan Rivers Collection, and 10 stars equals major bling.